Can I really say something about myself? I'm just the dreaming angel who always has drifting thoughts inside... Someone who has kept her feelings so unbeknowst to you as always, unfaltering and seeing you with love in her eyes from the distance...
We were walking together… Hand in hand that time. We were talking, casually like friends always does. It was amazing… It was making me fluster, when i think of it… But then again, i was happy. Happy by the fact that u were just there, walking with me, holding my hand like there was nothing wrong. You smiled at me, i smiled back. It was nothing like i ever expected… But I knew it was a dream… but it is a very weird dream… it seemed so real…
"You okay? U seem to be bothered by something…" I heard him say.
"Oh… No… I was just uh… well yeah, i am thinking… of something." I replied.
"Oh… care to share? I mean, i really won't force you if you need to keep it to yourself."
"No… haha… well… what i am thinking is… we never really get to be like this… i just find it weird why now." I told him, speaking my thoughts out.
"Ahh… haha… well, let's just enjoy this now… me too… i'm happy that we are like this… i mean, we can't do this for real… that's why i am contented dreaming like this." He confessed.
"Haha… Yeah… Wait? Did u say u were contented dreaming like this?" I asked, my face confused.
"Yeah… dreaming…" He turned around. "This is the third time i saw you again in my dreams… You don't know how i waited… every night. In my drunken slumber, i wanted to be with you."
"Me?! Waited for me?!" I was surprised by what he said.
"Haha… You seemed so shocked…. Just like in the real world." He chuckled. "That's why i never flirted with you… i was afraid you would run away."
"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" I finally screamed what was bothering me.
"Haha… why are you shouting? haha… honestly…i wish this was real." He became serious.
"So you mean, u wish u can talk to me like this?" I questioned curiously.
"Well, kind of…" He held my hand in his. "But i know that will never happen…" He held my hand more tightly. "I can talk like this, because at least… this would stay in my dreams, and this would stay unknown to you in the real world." I couldn't process a single thing in my head, i was there, holding his hand…
"So… u mean… u wouldn't care if u never wake up?"
"Haha… Of course somehow yeah. 'Cause your here, but still… I want to be with you for real."
"Aww… That's really sweet. How come u wouldn't tell me this for real?"
"Huh?! No way! Do u want me to lose you forever?! There is no way i'm risking that… even if honestly… i am thinking of you more often that you think."
"I love you, do you know that?"
"I know that… U told me a thousand times, well… in the real world."
"Don't you believe me?" I curiously inquired.
"I don't want to… You're probably lying… But i want to believe though."
"Then believe me, cause i am saying it right now. I LOVE THE IDIOT U ARE"
"Then I love the… strong-willed, feisty you…" He smiled, hugging me…
"Well… do u think we'd stay long like this?" I asked him, not wanting to go.
"Well, we can't forever be like this… Somehow I would wake up and see u for real again. But I'll try to be back once again."
"Well… let's say goodbye, now… There's no telling when we would suddenly dissipate from this dream."
"No goodbyes… We'd always see each other… Just bye. No Goodbye."
"Okay… Bye then, love."
"Just that? No parting words?" He asked sullenly.
"Okay… I wish… That we would just stay like this forever, no saying byes and all… That this would be real, I want this to be real. That's why love, I say… Sayonara… I don't want to part with you."
"I may not repeat the same words… Just I love you. I want you to know that, that you will always be the person i love the most than the whole wide world. And the other girls i will meet someday. I love you more than them and all."
I heard what he said. It was ringing in my ears, he didn't want me to go… Ever. I decided to step far away from him, so as that myself will not stay. No matter how much it wants to.
"So that's that?"
"Well… yeah, I guess." I told him.
He pulled me around and kissed me… It was mind-boggling, earth shattering. I don't know how i could throughly explain what had happened. All i know was… it was something i will never forget.
"I love you…" He whispered to my ears.
"I love you too, love." At that moment, i saw his face… shocked..
"So you're…" I guess he knew already. I didn't have the desire to tell him what was it. I turned around and walked away. I woke up from that certain dream.
Today… I visited an old friend of mine. i was just so confused, that i went to him… apparently, he cannot answer me, because he's up there… it's funny how i found myself talking alone in the cementery. i realeased all the grudges and pain that i was feeling deep down inside. but u know, maybe he was there for me, making me cry and burst out all of my feelings. i felt really light after that, and u know what? i caught a glimpse of him, just a sudden glimpse. he was really there… GOD sent him to be there, so i will be consoled… so much. i thanked him after that… maybe i was really just carrying up the whole wide world. i was somehow tired, but i kno
w i was stronger after that. what is happening right now is just a test once again for me. So i would be strong, amidst all of the turmoil other people was concerning… especially that *biatch* who makes up that story. whew… i should be careful with my words right now. it's just wrong. haha… anyway, after that… i realized that maybe i really should be careful of my words… i know that she would be hurt when she heard that, even if she is so much bitchy… 'cause… i was born with that bad tongue… i mean, i could speak up a lot of curses and swears when i am so mad. even my grandpa said that… cause 
i got it from him… haha… talk about generation genes… whew… *calms down* anyway again, i prayed 
really hard… i guess prayers can really do so much miracles in comforting you. so right now, i know what to do… i shouldn't fight them… 'cause it would be wrong… but if things get really awful, then i know what to do. haha… so… i'm not mad anymore right now… unless they hurt someone close to me again… i'd be kicking their asses out of their places… they'd know not to mess with me… haha… what i should do right now is to avoid stirring up more commotion, 'cause i feel it's worsening. whew… my gramps shouldn't know about this, he'd just kick their bums before i do. (haha… but there is no way i'd kick that guinea pig's bum… it's just too cute. i just put it up there for emphasis.) anyway (for the hunderedth time) i'm going to be nice once again. just for someone who asked me to. *angelic halo* i shouldn't let them bother my serene and angelic thoughts… LOL. i repeat, i will be nice to them, just because someone asked me to. (whew… i really should free that halo i locked up in the bottle.)
What i'm hoping is suddenly drawing far far away from me. i will never hear the word "us" from you. there would never be "us", and that is becoming clearer and clearer to me. we are going to be just friends, that's a promise. somehow, maybe even just becoming friends with you is a good thing for me. it's stupid that i yearned that you will say those sweet stuff to me someday. but then again, it's not wrong, ne? still, it's in my mind that if i kept trying, maybe you will someday know how much you mean to me. i told you what i felt a lot of times, but
then again, it seems like you would only smile… and then, just think that's it's just a stupid schoolgirl crushing. but that's what i admire about you, your head is not in the clouds just because someone thinks you are hot. it's funny how i dreamed about you… and how i would write those thoughts on a paper. someone was really bound to read it everyday, but then again, i am not scared… they will only think it was how an intellectual student approached the word "like" or "love". They would only think it was a bunch of ideas, and in the end… i would always get a lot of compliments that it touched their hearts… of course, i wouldn't tell it to someone that it was actually meant for you, and it wasn't just a buch of ideas because that was what i was really feeling… sometimes, it is really hard to avoid being hurt by the fact that i cannot talk to you always… why? because of the fact that i am scared… scared that you will see in my eyes how much you mean to me. you know how we both understand what is deep down inside just looking in the eyes. but i am smiling… because still you are still there, and no one would understand how we talk even without words… because deep inside you are assuring me that we will be just fine… amidst the loud crowd, we could talk in our hearts… so once again, i am looking up in the clouds, i catch snowflakes, it's snowing again… Snowing inside my heart…
Today is really a weird day for me… Some thoughts that I really wasn't sure how it got to my brain suddenly appeared, haunting me. I mean, I maybe have been bothered today, but really I mean, this is gotta be some major issue. i don't usually get bothered, but i admit that i really am today. *sigh* if only things were easier… but then, sometimes, the world is more better the way it is complicated. okay, first of all, the sharing of what i had been thinking today. i was in the middle of doing something, when a lot of thoughts and ideas came flourishing to my mind. it seemed like the garden that had its flowers wilted had suddenly bloomed again. it was… weird. that wasn't really the worst part yet… ever since those thoughts flooded my mind, there was something i was so scared of deep down inside. the person i love. i was scared that i would think of him differently since my mind was active… adjectives rushing on every corner, time expressions waiting to be used… nouns falling in line waiting for their turn… it was… just queer.
Then, out of nowhere… I saw him… Fear crept inside me… I was feeling cold while he walked past by… Then he flashed me that timid smile of his… Then, i just found myself smiling back. i somehow sat somewhere which i could clearly see a good view of him, but apparently… i din't know how wrong that would turn out. I suddenly noticed the stuff about him that i really hadn't noticed about… his… seductive (?LOL) smile, his antics that drive me crazy (did i just say dat? damn…), his ruffled hair… (oh how i'd love to run my hands on his damn hair…), and his voice… the one that sends shivers to my spine… (he's just too sexy…) haha… i gotta stop describing… whew… it pops another idea inside my head… WHICH I KNOW IS SO TOTALLY WRONG… i gotta stop thinking of him like that… we have to remain friends, and just friends… oh goodness, he cannot know about what i said about him, if he did, i'd be doomed… forever… but then again. i wouldn't be afraid if he knew… 'cause at least he knew… it's just abomination that he sent those kinds of feelings to me today… damn
It's amazing how you could lighten up what burdens me. I admit, I had to smile after the conversation I had with you today… some vague things that i held questioned in my mind came out, i asked them… and you answered as honestly as you could. i could still see that smile upon your face, certainly, amused by the the fact that i had been honest to ask what was bothering me concerning you. but still, when we touched the topic of love, both of us had some quiet spaces… uncertain… careful of every word that would come out from our lips… we are both scared that the other would think directly what the heart of the other dictates.. we were both elusive, so i decided not to touch that topic just deep yet. but still, i find it hard to prevent smiling after that. i was just so happy? (i really don't know how i can elaborate more on that certain feeling i had that time) it was amazing… i got the chance to talk to you seriously once again… and then, it was just like the past, no awkward feelings, the pureness of the friendship we offer to the other… i was happy staying like that… but what sends me the weirdest feelings is how come you pop up when i have some questions in my head… the fact that you just stand there smiling at me, when i'm walking alone in my dream thinking. when i jokingly ask God for someone to send me a message saying hi or so. then out of nowhere, you say hi and ask what i am doing… i dunno… what could i call this strange feeling i am harboring to you? i haven't come up wid a name yet… just not yet… it's not creepy nor anticipating… it's more like risky, and just happy… somehow someday… God will make me finally say these feelings i have for you…
