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Can I really say something about myself? I'm just the dreaming angel who always has drifting thoughts inside... Someone who has kept her feelings so unbeknowst to you as always, unfaltering and seeing you with love in her eyes from the distance...
I watched Clueless in channel 42 last night… Lol… movie plus. Coincidentally, i was thinking about something related to that. Yeah, lol… friends… Once again, i am thinking about finding that certain person again. Why is it like that? I mean, i had driven this thought out of my head already, and now it is coming back again… Life is just a crap. I hate it for making me yearn for that certain warmth again. But then again… We really don't know what will happen in the future… I mean, who we will end up basically with. So, maybe i just have to wait right here for that someone to come. I mean, God will be nice to give a good person, right? *sigh* It's just that… I wish… it was him… It's these times thinking this stuff makes me cry. I mean, it is our last year already, and me… I don't know whether my parents will send me to some country far away from him to study there, meaning… We won't see each other anymore… Unless fate really had written the love story for us. But that's just a bunch of folktale… It's not true that you feel it in your heart that a someone is already the right person. It's just a story of putting up hopes that someone out there is really destined. I mean, duhh… In this world of 6 billion people, there is someone just meant for you? Nahh, I don't think so. But it's nice to think so, right? I mean, I have those dreams too, and sometimes… I just want to believe them, that he would be standing right there waiting… and when he finds you, he would just rush there and say, "There you are… I thought you'd never come. I was waiting like… forever." Would you say that to me one day? That you were waiting for me to come by? LOL… Who am I kidding? I have to pop this dream out of my head and continue my studies… Especially when i know that i am slacking off… I have to get this thought out of my head and just concentrate.
I don't know why i am feeling like this. A friend of mine… She was falling for someone that she knows is very far from her… Literally. A 14-hour difference. How could she still feel something for the guy? Is it because of his eyes that i know she has absolutely fallen in love with? No… That's not it… It would seem too… light. It was something i know… was very much deeper…
than that. Like what i am feeling right now. Deep and emotional. I felt her pain when she told me that he told her it seems just so impossible. And she said "uh… yeah." and then pretended to be happy about it, but i know inside… She was breaking down. That was the first time i ever saw her with those glittery eyes that springs up when you're in love. But you 
know, it's not her situation that made me cry the most. It was my own situation. Someone quoted to me… "The greatest distance isn't how many million stars he is away, or even how much time you are so apart, but the greatest distance that you know he is there beside you that you are able to grasp him already but you cannot do anything about it." I told her that. My situation was worser than hers. At least he is just that far. You can reach him someday. But a guy that is just right beside you, and is even your friend, and yet he seems so far away, that's something that should be worrying you more. But I know that God is there though. He'll help, i just know. I prayed to him that i may overcome this feelings of emptiness when i comes to him. That i shouldn't think of this now because there will come the time for this. But probably not now. Maybe I should consider the thought that i should think more on the things which needs my attention more at this moment. And just wait for the time when our paths will meet again. He and I…
What i'm hoping is suddenly drawing far far away from me. i will never hear the word "us" from you. there would never be "us", and that is becoming clearer and clearer to me. we are going to be just friends, that's a promise. somehow, maybe even just becoming friends with you is a good thing for me. it's stupid that i yearned that you will say those sweet stuff to me someday. but then again, it's not wrong, ne? still, it's in my mind that if i kept trying, maybe you will someday know how much you mean to me. i told you what i felt a lot of times, but
then again, it seems like you would only smile… and then, just think that's it's just a stupid schoolgirl crushing. but that's what i admire about you, your head is not in the clouds just because someone thinks you are hot. it's funny how i dreamed about you… and how i would write those thoughts on a paper. someone was really bound to read it everyday, but then again, i am not scared… they will only think it was how an intellectual student approached the word "like" or "love". They would only think it was a bunch of ideas, and in the end… i would always get a lot of compliments that it touched their hearts… of course, i wouldn't tell it to someone that it was actually meant for you, and it wasn't just a buch of ideas because that was what i was really feeling… sometimes, it is really hard to avoid being hurt by the fact that i cannot talk to you always… why? because of the fact that i am scared… scared that you will see in my eyes how much you mean to me. you know how we both understand what is deep down inside just looking in the eyes. but i am smiling… because still you are still there, and no one would understand how we talk even without words… because deep inside you are assuring me that we will be just fine… amidst the loud crowd, we could talk in our hearts… so once again, i am looking up in the clouds, i catch snowflakes, it's snowing again… Snowing inside my heart…
